Shaun Pollock: Up, Close and Personal ;-)

Location: Mumbai International Airport, Terminal 2A

Exact Location: Travelex Foreign Exchange Counter, Departure Lounge.

When: 29th November 2005, 1.15 am

Doing what: Exchanging currency.

.........

Me: Hey Shaun, tough luck today.

Shaun: Yeah.

Me: You flying back to Joburg?

Shaun: Yup yup.

Me: So when are you coming back. Anytime soon?

Shaun: Ohh I don't know, but can't wait to come back!..I swear to god!

Me: Oh I am sure they can't wait too!

Shaun: Alright, Cheers!

Me: Bye.
......
Hehehehe

Finally

Ohkay! its been more than 3 months since I made that 'Alternate History' post. I have no reason whatsoever for not replying to any of the comments made. Considering the huge gap, I think it was fitting to post my replies as a new post altogether.

So here it is....

Thank you people, thank you so much for writing in.

AVINASH, firstly, I don't know which particular section of my post made you think that I am anguished at the writer, or about the fact that he used Gandhi...I am not. I am sure he is a 'very nice guy' like you said. And since you seem to share some kind of a Texan liasion with him, just wanted to make sure he is still fine and nice.... Getting back to my post, the whole idea was to air my disgust at the whole concept of Alternate History. And why shouldn't I fill myself with hate for something that i sincerely...err...hate? I'll say this every day of the week...Alternate History is crappy and sickening.

And yes, dont ask me to calm down man...You can't...No one can. I hope you realize that this is my blog, my space and what i write in here is what I think. Voice your opinions, if you will, i love that...but dont ask me to calm down on my territory.

SAURABH, Of course I love the imaginative movies man, and who would know better than you? Isn't watching movies is something we did as a daily ritual in our roommate years?...The point I am trying to make is 'keep it off history' . Let aside Alternate History, even historical inaccuracies are frustrating. And that is the very reason why movies like Alexander and Mangal Pandey failed.

Rax, Yags, Raf, Kau....like you see, not many people think like you guys and me. Sad.

Back

3 months, 3 days.
Thats the longest time between posts I've ever had. And at this moment I am just glad that I am making this post, which will make sure it doesn't get any longer....

I was plannin to write something a few days back, and I was working on trying to provide certain reasons of the absence.

Didn't get any then.
Don't have any now.

Atleast I'm back :D

Alternate History...WTF!

The spark:

A few days back I was trying to search the web for eyewitness stories of Mahatma Gandhi's assassination. I happened to reach a blog by Mr. Taylor , which had a post on Gandhi's assassination. Here's what the post said :

"Indian revolutionary Mohandas Gandhi was assassinated as he attempted to foment rebellion against British rule among the Hindus of New Delhi. Randall Stodderly, the British soldier who shot Gandhi, was arrested by Indian authorities, but when he was extradited to Great Britain, he was freed and feted as a hero."

Thinking it to be just a ordinary brief on Gandhi's assassination (which was not something I was looking for)... I was about to close the page and move on, while suddenly my brain forced me to ponder twice on this post. My head shook, my eyes widened while my mind came to terms with what I was reading.

Gandhi murdered by a British soldier??!!....because he formented rebellion??!...WTF!.....Without even caring to trying to think over what was written, I blasted off an e-mail to the author, begging to point his attention over his erroneous post.

The reply:

He replied within hours. This is what he had to say..

"This is an event in history that didn't happen - my site is fictional, not historical. Alternate history is a type of science fiction that sometimes takes real people and events and shows them slightly different (or sometimes very different). In that particular timeline, I believe, Gandhi, instead of embracing non-violence, had chosen the path of violent resistance to British rule."

The Aftershock:
I fumed endlessly. The next thing I was doing was googling 'Alternate History'. Many websites (if not hundreds, thousands or millions) were dedicated to Alternate history. I started thinking as to what kind of people would like to actually spend time writing Alternate history and then I was pitying people who spend time and enjoy reading it. If you are one of them. Please e-mail me!

Words from the wise me:

History is truth. I love history. It is exciting to read about how men, women, leaders and nations lived through the old era and shaped the foundation of the world that we have today.
I am no book critic. Nor am I a literary genius, but I understand what makes sense and what doesn't. And on any given day, reading about gandhi's life would give me a better literary orgasm than going through pages that describe Gandhi's transformation into a terrorist.
Alternate history is a lie, reading it doesn't serve any purpose and doesn't provide any breakfast for the brains.

On this day, I declare myself an 'Anti Alternate History' ian.

And to all you alternate historians....if you really want to 'alter' things, leave history alone. How about altering the present? Write about George Bush and Osama Bin Laden getting together, and having a coffee at the neighbourhood Starbucks and making plans about a ' Bush-Laden Center of Peace Development'.

Now that will be an interesting read eh?

euphoriastringband.com

Like the Indian band 'Euphoria'? Like the Pakistani band 'Strings'?

http://www.euphoriastringband.com


Good?

A Pilot's view with Google Earth!

Want to simulate a plane landing at the Newark Liberty International Airport??

Follow these simple steps:

1) Download Google Earth.

2) In the search bar punch in 'EWR'. Which is the airport code for Newark Airport.

3) Once your view zooms in to the street level of the airport, look for the runway (slightly north of the terminals)

4) Shift the view using <> arrows to get the runway at the center.

5) Using the tilt function, tilt your angular view to something like 15 degrees from ground level.

6) Zoom out your view till the altitude reaches 36,000 feet.(Usual flying height of passenger airplanes)

7) And now, you are all set to land!...Begin zooming in towards the airport till you zoom in close enough to touch the runway...Don't you feel like a pilot?

Guess who Udit Narayan ran into!

Udit Narayan wass on a US tour in June. After finishing his last leg of performances in Houston, Udit was supposed to take the flight back to Mumbai from the New York Airport. While he was coming in from Houston, his wife and son (who chose to vacation in FLorida) were coming down in another flight from Florida....Udit now had the mammoth task of trying to gather all the luggage and board the Air India from terminal B....The humongous peice of a land that the airport is, Udit was clearly clueless....

....Till he approached, a young indian man walking on the concourse with a coffee in his hand....His name was Vikram Desai. Vikram was visiting his office branch at the airport. Udit asked for help, Vikram obliged...:)

Udit couldnt beleive his luck..Vikram spent an hour with him, talking about everything from Karan Johar to Kumar Sanu....

After VIkram took him through the whole ordeal in a smooth fashion, Vikram and Udit exchanged business cards...Udit asked Vikram, if he could call him the next time he is in the US....

Udit then asked for a picture with Vikram......Viks obliged ;)

USPS messes up

This has to be one of the sickest displays of postal accuracy that I have seen.

The scanned image that you see above is that of an envelope which I had to mail out to Radhika. All of you would agree with me that my handwriting on there is legible if not neat. Like any mailer would, I conveniently jotted the 'To' and 'From' addresses.
I mailed this out on monday morning, and to my shock i get the envelope back in my mail on Tuesday! I tried to examine the envelope, making sure I had the right postage affixed and if there were any other discrepancies.

But no!...it's just a mailing office error....I am still trying to figure out the reason for this. I see no reason whatsoever in why any mailer in the world would drop this envelope to the 'From' address, which, as a matter of fact is simply scribbled on such a small corner of the envelope?

Any answers? ....guesses?...words of wisdom?

NY loses out 2012 Olympics bid

In spite of a vast NYC 2012 campaign, NY lost out on the bid to host the 2012 Olympics.
This is what U.S representative Anthony Weiner said,

" We already are at the center of the universe. We don't need the International Olympic Committee to determine that for us"

Ouch!

It always rains on my Birthday!

The night of July 4th 2005, I was just pondering about something...and I thought I would blog about it , so here we go ....

June 7th is the day the gods decided to let me have a look at the world. Since that day, every year on this day I have celebrated my birthday with great enthusiasm and vivacity. This is one day for which I try to start day dreaming about months in advance. I have never tried to gauge if others too are that ecstatic about their birthdays, I know I am.

I know a couple of guys for whom their birthday is nothing to wait for or be excited about. It just baffles me how they have that long look on their face and they try to tell everyone that this is just another day for them. I feel like holding them by their collar and shaking them forward and backward a hundred times.

Me: ....CMAAAAAAAAN!.....its your birthday for heaven's sake!!!!
Them: So?
Me: Aaargghhh..

Well this long intro has nothing to do with the point I am trying to make here. I was just trying to point out as to how zealous I am on this day.

Coming back to the point, for 2X straight years, I have celebrated my birthdays....in different places, with different bunch of friends at times, in hotels, in pubs, at my own home in Mumbai and Surat, in the exotic islands of Mauritius, in Philadelphia and in NYC. No matter how much I try to make my celebrations 'new' or 'different' , there is something that happens each time on my birthday. It rains.

According to my mom, it even rained heavily in Mumbai, minutes after I was born.

My late granny called me an avatar of Lord Krishna.....while another friend of mine to whom I told this tale, claimed that the gods don't like me and hence cried every year on my birthday.

I will go with my granny's version. *Winks*

Do Math or Starve!!

Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....

" When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat our vegetables at dinner and not leave them. Mothers said, 'think of the starving children in India and finish the dinner'. And now I tell my children : ' Finish your math homework. Think of the children in India who would make you starve, if you don't!'"

Domino's Ltd.

This morning I received a mail from the nearby Domino's Pizza outlet.

Dear Sir,

We would like to offer you the following deals to thank you for your business with us in the past few months:

Deal 1:.....
Deal 2:............
Deal 3: A large pizza with unlimited toppings (up to 5) for
just $ 8.99


Hehehehe.....

Birthday, Work and a Visa!

On June 7th 2005, I got my H1B Visa. This visa lets me live and work in the United States for a period of six years.

It was the best birthday present I could have ever received. My excitement is too much to be described in written form. But I am gonna write something about it obviously.

During the course of the past few months I was bombarded by help, advise and suggestions all the time. Friends, relatives, parents...all of them geared up to give me what they thought was 'much needed' advise. It was funny how I heard all kind different things about the whole H1B visa process from everyone.

Lets begin!

4th Feb 2005- My Boss
Me: Will the company sponsor a H1B visa for me?
He: What is that?
Me: You see, to work with this company, I need to have a work visa, the employer files a petition the US Govt. to issue me a visa. It's basically paperwork, and you have to sign on a few places, agreeing that you need a foreign worker, and that I am better suited to this job than my American counterparts.
He: So...all I have to do is sign........ummm...thats fine!
Me: Phew!

7th Feb 2005 - A distant relative in Florida.
Me: Hey!, my company agreed to file my H1!!
He: Oh, are you sure you will get it though?
Me: Why? If the employer is on my side, what else do I need?
He: Still man, your company has to be a multinational company with atleast five thousand employees.
Me: *Duh*

18th Feb 2005 - My roommate
Me: Hey, do you know a nice immigration lawyer? I need someone to file my H1 visa on behalf of my company.
He: The one's I know only handle high-profile cases.
Me: Ohhh..I see....(*Duh*)

1st March 2005- My Mom.
Me: Mom, will I get my H1 visa? I am kind of tensed about the whole thing, there is so much to be done...
She: You'll be fine beta....god is with u, your good times have started, nothing can stop you..
Me: Hmmmm

13th April 2005 - My lawyer
Me: ...blah..blah..blah.....this is my case, what do you think?
He: Ho jaayega, no problem.
Me: What about the salary, is it in line with the prevailing wages?
He: Ya ya, even if it is not, we will find a way, don't worry, ho jaayega!
Me: And, I transferred my engineering course from India and completed my degree here..Is that fine?
He: Ya ya, not a problem, ho jaayega!
Me: The company?
He: Ho jaayega!
Me: The position? The degree?
He: Just send me all the documents, I'll do it, its a straight forward case, ho jayega!
Me: Cooool Mannnnn!!

27th April 2005 -- A relative in India
She: Vicky beta..H1 nu shu thayu??
Me: The procedure is on aunty. In a month, I should be ready to file.
She: Ohh...dont worry beta, even if you don't get it, there are lot of girls in New Jersey that i know. Just marry any U.S. Citizen , and then no tenstion for the rest of the life!
Me: Ya ok.

13th May 2005-- My lawyer
He: Arre, there is a small problem, your wages have to be ______ for satisfying labor conditions.
Me: Ohh, alright, I'll talk to my boss, should'nt be a problem.
He: Cool, let me know.
Me: Ok cool.....err wait.....if that condition is satisfied then.....
He: (interrupts)....then to HO JAAYEGA!, no problems!!!
Me: Ya right.


1st June 2005 (On the eve of applying) -- A friend of my roommate
Me: Tomorrow I am applying for my H1 visa.
He: Why are you applying?
Me: What do you mean?
He: Your application will be rejected!
Me: No it wont!!.. what the f*** do you mean?
He: The USCIS stopped accepting applications for fiscal year 2006.
Me: No they did naaat!!??
He: Yes they did! You can go ahead and apply if you want to. You will get a letter in three days saying your application was rejected.
Me: We'll see.

7th June 2005, 10.00 am EST -- My mom
She: Happy birhtday Beta!...how's your day going??
Me: Its goin great....but I just wish I did not have to wait for a few more days for the approval to come in. I could have had a real blast had my visa approval come in today!
She: Something tells me, you will get your visa today.
Me: Hahaha, how I wish you were right .....the USCIS website says it takes anywhere between 10-15 days. So its gonna be atleast more 5 or 6 days mom.
She: You wait and watch.
Me: Hahaha, ok!

7th June 2005, 4.00 pm (EST) -- My boss's e-mail

This is what I think it is...Correct??..CONGRATULATIONS!!.....

".............This case has been approved....."
Me: YooohoooO!!!!

EliteTorrents.org shut down by the FBI

Possibly the biggest torrent site on the web, EliteTorrents.org was shut down by the FBI. EliteTorrents had the movie 'Star Wars' posted on their site six hours before its official release. The FBI says that 10,000 downloads of the movie took place in those six hours.

Click here to see the official message posteb by the FBI on the EliteTorrents website.

MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) says Hollywood loses 3.5 billion dollars every year due to illegal downloads, mostly through torrent sites and P2P sharing networks.

Torrent sites have escaped the clutches of the FBI so far, since they argue that the files are not actually posted on their site

Lose it...Find it...Boomerang It!!

Now!....This is one interesting service that I came across (although I am still unsure if its really worth it). It's called BoomerangIt. The whole idea is to tag all your prized possessions and in the event of a loss, the person who finds it can easily report it on their website. They then take care of collecting it and shipping it back to you.

Everyday, an average business traveller is being accessorized by all kinds of gadgetry. Laptops, PDA's, cell-phones, Mini DV camcorders, digital cameras, travel scanners are the business travellers' best friends. With the advent of compact memory cards and drives, the idea of 'travelling with data' is exploding in every sense. It's not a bad idea after all to have everything tagged. The website claims that their tagging system can help you find everything from watches to boats.

The only problem that I see with this is that your item has to be found by a 'good samaritan'.

Fact

350 million Indians speak Hinglish as a second language, exceeding the number of native English speakers in Britain and the US.

Hinglish : ' a mixture of Hindi and English widely spoken in India

Bill Gates v/s Conan O'Brien

I have talked about both of them in my previous posts on Bill Gates and Conan O'Brien. Both these guys clashed at the CES.

When : January 2005

Where: CES Annual Show, Las Vegas.

CES is the biggest consumer electronic show on earth. At the 2005 CES, Bill Gates was invited as the keynote speaker. And none other than Conan O'Brien was selected to host the sultan of software. Both guys were at their best. The hour long discussion between them is a must watch. Conan did have the better share of the laughs, specially when the Microsoft Media Center's remote picture uploading feature failed to work. "....and nine people are getting fired right now..remotely" is what Conan said when this happened.

The video stream is available on Bill Gates' homepage.

On an advertising note, my company's receipt organizing and expense reporting solution, NeatReceipts received the Newsmakers award at the 2005 CES :)

Pool Busters!

Friday Night, B-52 Sports Bar, Harrison, New Jersey.

Me and my friend entered the bar. We took a seat near the pool table and were waitin for our turn. We could see this huge group of caucasian guys and girls, who had encroached the table. It seemed like it was someones birthday. Their games went on and on and so did their orders of beers. There was this guy whom everyone called Alex. He was the undisputed champion of the lot. Out of the few games that we saw, he had a high win to loss ratio. Frankly, I thought he sucked. He was just winnig coz his friends were...err...losing.

It had been almost an hour, and we were still waiting for our turn. I walked up to Alex ( he behaved like he was the one in charge of the proceedings at the table)

Me: Hey, we've been waiting here for some time now.
Alex: Yeah, I saw that maan....(putting his arm on my shoulder and slowly walking towards a corner).....but you know waaat duude...we are gonna play till the end of the day, why donchuu try the bars across the street.
Me: What do you mean, have you reserved this table or something?
Alex: Naaah, its just that we aint gonna move from here.(winks at his girlfriend)

And suddenly, he played a horrible shot..the cue ball flew..it hit the wrong ball and a ball actually fell out of the table. I broke into laughter, and kept laughing..heading back to my table. The next thing I see is Alex following me. He came up real close to me.

Alex: Whatchu laafing at maan?
Me: That was a funny shot.
Alex: Where are you from originally?
Me: I am from India
Alex: Hahahaha....so you think you know a lot about pool?
Me: Well, I haven't played that horrible shots, I am sure about that atleast.
Alex: Oh yeah??....You know whaat?...why don't you just bang with me at the table man?..Lets do it...
Me: Naah, thanks, I am more interested in playing with my friend.
Alex: Aaaaah, cmaaan....five games...loser pays twenty.
Me: No man, not interested, thanks again
Alex: Hahahaha...I knew it, didn't I?...(He turned and mumbled) ....Middle Eastern f*****.
(That was a fit case for racist advances)
Me: Hey..hey..hey ....look man, you're drunk, don't utter another word, that's gonna get you in trouble.
Alex: Oh yeah? What you gonna do huh?...Wat you gonna do??...Challenge me at a 5-gamer maaan...
Me: Alright..I am in.

Final Score: 5-0 to Me.

Me to Alex: Hey, just coz you don't know....India's not in the middle-east alright?
Alex: Aiiight man...PEACE!

(Rakesh, if you're reading this...this one's for you my friend!)

Prepone....An Indian Word?

A few days back, a roommate of mine talked about how 'prepone' is not an english word. I have used this word all my life as an opposite of postpone. My roommate's claim was interesting enough for me to google the word 'prepone'. And yes, not once on the first few pages did I find, a dictionary.com meaning of prepone. All I found is discussion forums, blogs and other articles which talked about that word.

Here's what an entry in the Word Fugitives said about it ..

The word 'prepone' is found in The New Oxford Dictionary of English, published 1998. It is listed as being Indian (from India) and is defined as: to bring forward to an earlier date or time. Example given: The publication date has been preponed from July to June.

People in the U.S. use words like 'advance' and 'move up' to explain the opposite of postpone. Languagehat.com has a complete and comprehensive discussion forum on this word, and it is exciting to see what the world thinks of this word.

It is clear that the word prepone had its origins in India. And I feel good about it. Because the word prepone ... as someone at languagehat.com calls it.....is unquestionably useful.

The cry of the Dance Bar Girls.....

Bar Dancers from all around Mumbai, gathered at the Azad Maidan in Mumbai to protest against the recent ban from the Government of Maharashtra to shut down the dance bars that operate in Maharashtra.

Seen in this picture are a few bar dancers standing and shouting in unity. If you look closely, Rekha (name changed) has a Nokia 6600 phone! For one, thats the phone I have. I love it. I have always been a fan of Nokia phones and when I felt this in my hand, I knew I wanted it. Camera, Bluetooth, Infra-Red, Real Media Player, MP3 player,expandable memory and thousands of other applications all over the web which can be downloaded and run in this phone. You name it, this phone got it. I still remember the day, when I was going through the process of buying this phone. It was a hefty 15 grands. I spent two days trying to think if I could afford this phone and whether I should actually spend this much. I bought it, and I am so happy I did.

Err...Sorry..coming back to the Bar dancer story...

Government's Stand: Dance bars encourage prostitution and illegal activities. They are against our culture and are spoiling the young generations

Bar Dancer Association Stand: 75,000 of us are going to lose our jobs. No alternate work arrangements.

My Stand: Oh hell yeahh....If I am fired from a job that lets me afford phones like these with ease. I would probably scream harder than they are right now.

Gates does it again..!!

Another great quote from Bill Gates. This time taking a jab at Apple.

"You can easily find out if you are working on a Mac or a PC. Just throw your applications in there, and see if they work!"

Hehehe.

Road

Another picture taken in the Adirondack Mountains. This is the road to the Whiteface Mountain Summit. One can easily guess how beautiful the drive was.. eh?

Bill Gates on H1B Visa restrictions

H1B visa is the visa issued by U.S.C.I.S to foreign skilled workers. A few years back the annual cap on these visas reduced to 65,000 from 195,000.

Bill Gates spoke at a recent Microsoft sponsored discussion about ways to drive US innovation and help the country compete with other nations. He talked about the H1B restrictions imposed on foreign skilled workers.

"The whole idea behind the H1-B restriction thing is, 'Don't let too many smart people come into the country...... The thing basically doesn't make sense."

Finally someone makes sense!

Aishwarya Rai on the Oprah Winfrey Show!

Yes she was!. She looked stunning. And why I am blogging about her, is not just because of her TV appearance. I loved to see the drooping jaws of american women on the show when Aishwarya walked in. I loved to see the faces of a couple of women, which looked like they were standing in front of the Taj Mahal. Oprah for some reason kept asserting again and again that she was the most beautiful woman on the world. Personally..yes...she did look stunning and looked confident as ever. Missed the show? Ahh, don't worry, I've got the video here.

Aishwarya Rai on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Download the Video Here (27 MB)
(Once you reach this page, scroll all the way down and click on 'FREE'. Then on the next page scroll down again, wait for the countdown to end and then click on the file name)

Indian Born Confused Desi

I was on my way home from the Newark Airport. I was supposed to take the Air Train, which takes you from the airport terminals to the train station. The Air Train is an unmanned computerized train which keeps moving round the clock, stopping at the 5 stops on the airport. On April 17th, the Air trains were working on a delayed schedule due to preventive maintenance. The trains which usually arrive once every 4 minutes, were now working every 20 minutes or so. I was supposed to take the train from Terminal C. When I reached there, I saw this humongously huge crowd. Suddenly, this small serene station had turned into a chaotic room full of nonsense. And I say nonsense because all sorts of people were tryin to do all sorts of things. There was this couple, which was continuously banging at the elevator button, in anticipation that it would arrive faster. They kept babbling that this is freakin crazy and that they wanted to take the cab home. Then there was this huge man who was asking the 'assistance and information' lady if it was a good idea to take the train that goes the other way and eventually come back with it (he was more worried about getting a seat. There were oldies, kids, business travelers and even airport employees all having their own specialized inputs about how 'ridiculous' this was and that Newark Airport was not what it used to be...etc. etc. The most pressurized person was the red jacketed customer service representative from the airport. She was an old Asian lady with a walkie-talkie in her hand. She looked dazed, because realistically she was as clueless about the things as was everyone else. She looked like she was standing at the epicenter of confusion. She was bombarded with atleast a dozen different kind of questions in one voice from all directions.

Person X: Why is the Airtrain on delayed service?
Person Y: Can the connecting train to New York be held till this train reaches there?
Person Z: Is there an ATM around here?
A polished business traveler: I am sorry to bother you and I in no way want to add to your confusion, but is there any way you can tell me where the closest restroom is?
Person A: CAN I JUST WALK TO THE TRAIN STATION???
Person B: I am assuming that if I miss this train, I'll have to wait for another twenty minutes??

So basically the station was filled with confused and lost passengers like these.
And then there was me....Chilled out, at peace and enjoying a game of pool on my cell phone. I was in no hurry whatsoever to get home. After a while, I wasn't interested any more in the chaos. I was just happy doing my own thing.Frankly, it was simple ...the trains were running late. All one had to do was just wait for some time and get on the next train. And I just couldn't understand why people refused to realize this simple logic Suddenly the chatter of the people rose to an alarming level, I turned to look back and the next thing I see is the customer assistance lady actually climbing on a seat and yelling out :

"PLEASE PAY ATTENTION! THE AIRTRAIN IS WORKING ON A DELAYED SERVICE, THE TRAINS ARE ARRIVING EVERY TWENTY MINUTES. SO PLEASE HAVE PATIENCE! THE TRAINS FOR TERMINALS A, B AND C LEAVE FROM THAT TRACK! AND THE TRAINS FOR THE PARKING GARAGE AND THE RAIL LINK STATION LEAVE FROM THIS ONE. THE RESTROOMS AND THE ATMS ARE HERE......AND THE FOOD COURT IS DOWNSTAIRS!!! ...THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN REACH NEW YORK FASTER.....UNLESS YOU WANNA SPEND FIFTY BUCKS ON A CAB!! WHENEVER THE TRAIN COMES IN PLEASE ALLOW THE PASSENGERS TO GET OUT FIRST!...THANK YOU!"

Wow, I loved that...they were like marching orders which suddenly made everyone stand in silence and look up to her. She said that in the most courteous manner but everyone knew it meant, " JUST STAND HERE!!...SHUT UP!!......AND STOP SCREWING ME!!!"

Everyone stood in pin-drop silence. Everyone thought twice before starting a conversation, coz everyone knew it would be heard loud n clear throughout the station.

All this while I was looking at this indian man. He looked from the southern part of india and must be in his late twenties. He looked like a perfect example of someone from a long flight. I could see him raise himself to say something. I was now inquisitive about the kind of question he was about to ask, because the lady had pretty much clarified everything. I was happy that he was loud and clear when he began to speak. All he said was ...

" Esss...Cuze me..... the air train is not working.??"

I burst into laughter. I kept on laughing. I knew I hadn't laughed this much for months. While I was laughing, i could easily see that I was the only one laughing so hard. I crouched, stood up again, and crouched again. There were people smiling, staring and some were slowly joining my laughter. After I finished, I started looking around, and the Indian guy was no where to be seen. I looked at the lady and shook heads.

U.S.A Tax Day Giveaways

April 15th is U.S.A Tax Day, the absolute final day for everyone to file taxes (one can begin filing on January 1st). I have a friend who works at a Tax Agency in Harrison, NJ and he told me that April 15th is one of the busiest day at their store ( Can you believe that??). An article on the IRS website says that the IRS expects to receive almost 9 million extension requests, which must be made by the normal filing deadline!!!

I came across a small list of interesting giveaways by stores and services in New York on Tax Day, in the local free newspaper A.M. New York.

• Staples is making free copies of tax returns on the sidewalk in front of the James Farley Post Office at 421, Eighth Ave.
• H & R Block locations throughout the city are serving Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and donuts.
• Dentyne is sponsoring free cups of coffee for New Yorkers on tax day at Space Market, 1 University Place and Big Cup, 288 Eighth Ave.

And here are my favorites...

• If you live in the Upper West Side, harlem, Washington heights or Inwood you can get free tax advice when you order a pizza today. Papa John’s is sending out certified accountants with their deliveries.....Wow!
• My company, is offering a Tax-Day giveaway of NeatReceipts to lucky winners. NeatReceipts is the coolest tax gadget to hit the markets this year. Got 15 seconds?...... Click here and register now for free and get prepared to file taxes for 2005
  

Of course for basic free tax help, see IRS.gov

World's Greatest Cookie

I didn't think I would blog about food items. But I couldn't resist writing about these. These are cookies by Pepperidge Farm. Having these is a completely different experience. When you take a bite, you first cut through the 'crunchy-but-soft' crust, and suddenly you find the sandwiched chocolate melting into your mouth. And they have innumerable flavors. Being the chocolate lover that I am, I tried, rich chocolate, dark chocolate and sumptuous chocolate . Each one in the class of its own. Move over Oreo and Chips Ahoy! ....You have to try these. No one can eat just one!

Tired of registrations? Try Mailinator..

home-tag
Originally uploaded by findvikram.

Sick of websites that keep asking for your email address? Tired of going to your inboxes every now and then and 'confirming' your email address? Well, 'Mailinator' is here. This unique service lets you create email addresses instantly. Want an abcdefg@mailinator.com or alphabets@mailinator.com?...They have it! Yes, Mailinator creates accounts when any mail arrives to that mail address. No sign-ups, no personal information...No hassles!

I believe I can fly..

This picture was taken in the Adirondack Mountains in Upstate New York during the July 4th weekend in 2004. We clicked almost four hundred pictures of this scenic place on this trip. All of us thought that this one clearly stood out. For me, this picture sums up the fun we had. From left to right its Me, Saurabh, Chirayu and Abhinav.

The World's Worst Website!!

I happened to visit this web page during a project in a 'Technical Writing' course in my under-graduate years. They call it the World's Worst Website. And you just have to visit the page once to see why. Interestingly, it was created to "demonstrate the most common mistakes made by new Web Page designers", says the homepage.

My three craziest conversations with Customer Services/Support Reps

offshore-outsourcing-to-india-1
Originally uploaded by findvikram.

Craziest Conversation : No. 3 (2005)

This has to be my conversation with the rep from PNC Bank. I had talked about this in my previous post. You can find the entire transcript of this conversation here.

Craziest Conversation: No.2 (2003)

She: Citibank Card Center....How can I help you.
Me: Hello, I just received this letter from Citibank today that my student credit card application has been rejected because I am not a U.S. Citizen.
She: Ok sir; let me pull up your information in my system
After verifying my information and looking up my details in her system she had this to say
She: Sir, your student credit card application has been rejected because you are not a U.S. Citizen.
Me: Duh!...Yes Maam I know that, the thing that is written in your system is also on my letter here.
She: So how can I help you?
Me: Well, I am international student and it says on your website that this card that I applied for can also be issued to International Students.
She: What visa do you have?
Me: I am on an international student visa
She: See? You are not a U.S. Citizen.
Me: Aargh, yeah I know, but isn'€™t this card also issued to International Students.
She: It's not issued to anyone except U.S. Citizens sir.
Me: Then why does it say that on your website?
She: I am sure it'™s a mistake sir, I am sure they will rectify it.
Me: Huh? I for sure know that all my friends have this card, and they are international students, and theyre NOT U.S. Citizens.
She: Then I think it'€™s a fraud case sir, we will have someone follow up on that.
Me: So you are saying that no one apart from U.S. Citizens, like international students, skilled workers and other immigrants have a credit cards here?
She: Not if they are not U.S Citizens.

I disconnected the phone and called back after five minutes. This time I spoke to a different rep and she accepted that it was their mistake since they put my application in the wrong system. She said that my application was now accepted and it will be further processed.

Foreign accented customer service reps are all over the place now. If you end up having a nice conversation with one of them, it is quite likely that they would in fact disclose their location. India it seems is the favorite country for companies here to set up their call centers. I was in India when the BPO and Call Center industry was actually booming. I in fact had a lot of friends who went under training to join these call centers. The conversation below was with a telemarketing associate from India

So here we go......Numbaah One!!!! (2004)

Me: Yelloww!
She: Hello sir, I am calling from Government Grants and Loans, you have been selected by the federal government to receive at least eight thousand dollars in grants.
Me: Waaaat?? Holy shit!!..Yoohoo!....I knew god was going to reward me some day! So where can I collect the money from?
She: Sir you will have to register with us. Once you do that we will send you an application packet and you should be receiving the money any where between six and 12 months.
Me: Cool!!, I am ready to register!
She: Ok sir, all I need is your bank checking account number, your bank routing number and your home address.
Me: You need my bank account number? Why?
She: Actually we will be withdrawing an amount of two hundred and fifty dollars from your account, that is just about three percent of your total grant money.
Me: Oh, so the government wants me to pay money to get the money?
She: No sir, we charge these small fees so that every thing is right with your application. If due to some reason you do not receive this grant money after eighteen months we will refund you this money.
( By this point, I realized that this was a scam. Also I figured out that the person I was talking to was located in India)
Me: Oh ok. But why did the federal government select me to get the money? I’m not even a U.S. Citizen!
She: Ohh..You'™re not!?....Err€...ok...gimme a second here.....Alright, sir, do you pay your taxes regularly?
Me: Taxes? Yea sure! Very regularly.
She: That means you are a U.S. Citizen!
Me: Wow! Am I ? I had no idea..Can I vote in the forthcoming presidential elections?
She: Sir for that you will have to talk to your local municipal office.
(I was ready to end this now)
Me: Maam, you are doing a good job, but this is not India and there is no municipal office here! I know this is a scam, if there is any way by which I can get the grant money without investing a single dollar that's the only way in which I am gonna go ahead with this.
She: Disconnected the phone, I never heard from them again.

But let me not take away anything from the efforts of hundreds and thousands of these tech support, customer support and customer service representatives worldwide. I have talked to some really cool, interesting and intelligent people this way. I think they do a tremendous job. I am sure that solving any kind of customer problems only on the phone is definitely a tedious job. But yes, I still agree with the professor. Not exactly with his belief that there is a disaster waiting to happen, but yes these reps should stop depending too much on their ‘systems’.

Let me end this post with one of the funniest gigs that I've ever come across on T.V. This was on the Late Night Show with Conan O'€™ Brian. Its about how one of the guys in their office ends up talking to a tech support associate from India and then actually goes all the way to India to get his computer fixed. Its funny, its worth a million laughs and it’s a must watch. Hats off to the writers of the show.
Click here to see the entire show.
You will need Windows Media Player to play the video. Click here to download it

In the meanwhile, please feel free to comment and suggest on my ideas and also share any of your similar experiences!

Customer Service/Support : Too much dependence on machines?

customer-service-s
Originally uploaded by findvikram.

I was on the train from Philadelphia to Newark and I ended up having a conversation with an old man. It turned out he was a professor at the Department of Religion at Temple University, Philadelphia. Although I didn'€™t think we would have too much common ground to talk upon, we did talk about everything from trains to the challenges faced by the new generations due to technology. There were times when I knew I did not agree with him, but I decided to let him do the talking. It was just my little way in which I thought I would respect his seniority. One such instance was when he said “ Son, look at the way in which customer service and support reps depend on machines to do their job, there'€™s surely a disaster coming sometime soon!€. My mind said, "€œYa right!"€.

I had decided to keep my rendezvous with this man till the train. But on my walk from the Newark Penn Station to my house, I had nothing better to do but walk, so I decided I would ponder once again over his idea on the customer service reps' dependence on machines. Suddenly, it felt as if my brain was being attacked with voices. Voices of customer service and support associates talking their usual stuff. Thanking me for my business, asking me to have a good day and the all so popular long introductory line that they have that makes you go "€œHey!..Shut up and Listen!!€...My cell-phone bill is all wrong!€. My mind was full of audio snapshots of the bad and worse experiences that I’ve had talking to these people.

I want to showcase this one particular phone conversation that I had with a customer service representative from PNC Bank.

She: Thank you for calling PNC bank....Blah..Blah..Blah..€how can I help you?
Me: Hey!, How'€™re you today? I actually called because I have lost my '€˜Account link Number'€™(ALN). Which is why I am not able to access my account online. So I was wondering if there is a procedure by which I can get a new ALN
She: Sure! Give me a moment please.....Err..ok...I would like to first verify some information sir€....can I have your ALN please?
Me: Maam, I just said that I have lost my ALN and that I want a new one.
She: I am sorry sir, but I can'€™t help you with anything unless you give me your ALN.
Me: So is there another number where I should call?
She: Sir, I said I cant give you any information till you provide me your ALN number. Is there anything else that I can help you out with?
Me: Yes!!!!, Can you at least tell me that closest bank branch close to Newark where I can go and get a new ALN???!!!
She: Tone it down Sir!
Me: I should tone it down? Tone down what?? I just want to know a way to get a new ALN!
She: I am sorry sir, I now have to end this call. Thank you for calling PNC bank, we appreciate your business.
Me: SHIT!

PNC bank is a huge bank, and it does maintain good standards in customer service. I am sure the person that I talked to must have been a fresh employee or trainee or maybe someone just having a bad day. But my question is, what actually made her not even consider my question? Why did I sound like an alien to her? Just because I was not on her 'system'™, did it mean that I could not even know the address or telephone number of my closest branch? Is this what we can call too much dependence on machines by customer service reps?

In my next post:
My three craziest phone conversations with customer service representatives.
More brainstorming on this issue.
Find out if there is really a disaster waiting to happen!

Olympics 2012 at NYC??

Image(100)
Originally uploaded by findvikram.

If you have been walking around NYC for the past few months, you can't fail to notice signs like these which have been plastered all around the city. Yes, NYC is all geared up to bid for hosting the Olympics in 2012. Although there is another sign which says 'Humanity Will Shine', I like this one better. But I think I read it in the papers that NYC has very feeble chances of making it...facing stiff competition from Paris.

Finally!

Yes, I have a blog now..Hope I do a good job :)